3000 Miles Apart: Emma & David

"So, where are you based?" The innocent question arrived through OKCupid's messaging system at 2 AM. I was in Chicago. David was in Berlin. 4,271 miles and a 7-hour time difference separated us. I nearly didn't reply.

But I did. And that casual "I'm actually in Chicago" turned into hours of texting, which became daily voice notes, which evolved into nightly video calls.

We matched because we both loved the same obscure science fiction author. We kept talking because…well, it's hard to explain chemistry, even when it happens across an ocean. I'd been on so many in-person dates that left me feeling nothing, yet here was this guy on my screen who made me feel everything.

Everyone - literally everyone - told me it was a waste of time. My friends, my mother, even articles I read online about long-distance dating were discouraging. "It's not real," they said. "You're falling for the idea of him." "You have no idea who he really is."

David and I tried to follow that advice. Instead of texting all day with shallow updates, we scheduled proper video dates. We'd both cook the same meal in our respective kitchens, then eat together. We'd stream the same movie with perfect synchronization and hear each other laugh in real time. We sent surprise packages filled with small gifts that represented inside jokes or meaningful moments.

The biggest thing we did, though, was commit to radical honesty. Since we couldn't rely on body language or physical comfort to smooth over difficult moments, we had to learn to talk about everything. When I felt insecure about whether he was still interested, I couldn't watch for nonverbal cues - I had to ask. When he was having a bad day and seemed distant, I couldn't give him a hug - he had to explain what he needed.

After four months of this, I took a leap of faith and flew to Berlin. Was I nervous? Absolutely. Would the chemistry translate in person? Would he look at me differently than he did through a screen?

The moment I saw him waiting at the airport, those questions vanished. We spent two incredible weeks together, and I flew home with the decision made: one of us would need to relocate. Six months later, I accepted a job transfer to our Berlin office.

We've been living together for a year now. People ask us if our relationship feels different than it did during those long-distance months. Honestly, while the logistical struggles have disappeared, the emotional foundation remains the same. We still prioritize those deep conversations. We still schedule date nights. We still practice radical honesty.

Long distance wasn't a phase we had to survive to get to the "real relationship." It was the real relationship - just with an ocean in between.