From App to Altar: Sarah & James

Two years ago, I was swiping on Hinge without much hope. I had been on the app for six months and had gone on twelve first dates, three second dates, and exactly zero third dates. I was about to delete the app (again) when I matched with James.

His profile wasn't flashy. No shirtless gym selfies or obviously posed hiking photos. Just honest pictures of a slightly nerdy, kind-faced guy with a genuine smile. His prompt responses weren't trying too hard to be witty or mysterious. He simply wrote that he was looking for someone to "watch cooking shows with, then attempt recipes that are way too complicated for our skill level."

I had just read an article on The Modern Dater about "letting your genuine self shine through your dating profile," and James's profile definitely did that. So I responded to his cooking prompt with: "I once set off the fire alarm trying to make scrambled eggs, so I think I'm the disaster chef you're looking for."

I knew there was something different when, instead of trying to impress me with stories of his accomplishments or adventures, he asked about my family and actually remembered the details. When I told him about my sister's struggle with addiction, he didn't awkwardly change the subject or offer platitudes. He just listened and asked thoughtful questions.

Our relationship wasn't a whirlwind romance. We didn't move in together after three months or take extravagant vacations. Instead, we built something steady. We cooked those overly complicated recipes (and ordered pizza when they failed). We had disagreements about small things and learned how to communicate better. We saw each other at our best and worst.

Eighteen months after that coffee date, James proposed - not in some elaborate, public spectacle, but at home after we successfully made Julia Child's Beef Bourguignon without a kitchen disaster.

We got married last month in a small ceremony with family and friends. In my vows, I thanked Hinge for the algorithm that brought us together, but more importantly, I thanked James for not pretending to be someone he wasn't on his profile. And I thanked myself for recognizing sincerity when I saw it.

So if you're still swiping and feeling discouraged, my advice is pretty simple: Be yourself in your profile. Look for people who are being themselves too. And maybe suggest coffee instead of cocktails for that first date - you never know how long it might last.