How to Act on The First Date: Understanding Whether They Like You & Conversation Tips to Impress Them

I don't know who needs to hear this, but the first date isn't a job interview. You're not here to get hired for the position of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" based on your résumé of Spotify playlists and your oddly specific knowledge of mushroom types (although… points for originality?). You're here to connect. And that's way messier, scarier, and more rewarding than just saying all the right things.

Still, I get it. You want to make a good impression, avoid awkward silences, and - somehow - figure out if they even like you. It's like trying to read a restaurant menu in a foreign language while someone judges your pronunciation. So let's make it easier.

This isn't some "10 flawless tips" list. It's real talk, some insights from psychology, a few personal stories (including my own painfully awkward first date involving a rogue pigeon), and some things I wish someone had told me before I wasted three months texting someone who just "wasn't ready for anything serious."

Reading the Signs: Do They Even Like You?

So you're sitting across from them, sipping something overpriced, and trying to decode whether their polite smile means "I like you" or "I wish I'd just stayed home and rewatched The Office."

Here's the unsexy truth: people rarely just tell you how they feel on a first date. They're nervous too. Most of what we pick up comes from nonverbal cues - and how we interpret them is often filtered through our own anxious brains.

But there are some green flags:

• They ask you follow-up questions. Not just "What do you do?" but "Why did you choose that?" or "What's your favorite part of it?"
• Their body language is open. Think leaning in, arms uncrossed, eye contact - not scanning the room like they're trying to spot the nearest fire exit.
• They mirror you. Subtly mimicking your tone or posture is a weirdly reliable subconscious sign of connection^[1].

And red flags? Well, besides the obvious (being rude to waitstaff, checking their phone every 90 seconds), the biggest one is when it just feels like you're the only one trying. Conversation shouldn't feel like pulling teeth.

How to Act on a First Date Without Acting Weird

Here's where most of us overthink. Should you act casual? Should you be flirty? Should you pretend not to care even though you showered twice and rehearsed your laugh?

You should act like… you. But the version of you who actually sleeps enough and isn't doom-scrolling Twitter all day.

Some non-negotiables:

• Be present. If you're checking your phone (or worse, replying to texts), you're not mentally there. And trust me, people feel that.
• Be honest about what you're looking for. No need to trauma-dump, but also don't say "I'm just seeing where things go" if you actually want a relationship. You're not doing anyone a favor by being vague.
• Be playful. Flirting is more about playfulness than compliments. Tease lightly, joke, let the moment breathe.

I used to be the guy who treated dates like interviews. I'd prep talking points. It worked - to get a second date. But those rarely turned into anything real. Turns out, people can tell when you're performing.

Best First Date Conversation Tips (That Aren't Boring)

Let's be honest: some first dates feel like an awkward podcast where no one knows who the host is. Here are some ways to actually enjoy the conversation:

1. Avoid the resume rundown

Yes, you can ask what they do, but follow it with something personal - "What's your dream job if money didn't matter?" "How did you end up in that field?"

2. Steal from this question bank

• "What's something weirdly specific you're into?"
• "What's a hill you'd die on, even if it's ridiculous?"
• "What's your most chaotic travel story?"

3. Don't be afraid of silence

A pause in conversation isn't failure. Sometimes, just taking a sip, smiling, and letting the silence hang for a beat is more confident than scrambling to fill every second.

The Psychology of First Impressions

Psychologist Nalini Ambady coined the term "thin-slicing" to describe how we make snap judgments based on very limited information. Within seconds, we're assessing trustworthiness, warmth, confidence - all before the bread basket even hits the table^[3].

Want to leave a good impression? Here's what actually matters:

• Warmth over competence. Research shows we care more about someone being warm and trustworthy than impressive^[4].
• Curiosity. Genuinely wanting to understand the other person goes a long way.
• Authenticity. This word gets thrown around a lot, but what it really means is being consistent. What you say matches how you act. No bait-and-switch.

What to Do If It's Going Nowhere (But You're Still There)

Not all dates will spark. That doesn't mean you failed - it just means you were brave enough to try.

If it's dragging, here's what you can do:

• Shift gears. "Let's change the subject - what's something you're really into right now?"
• Wrap up with grace. "This has been nice, but I've got to head out in a bit." Polite doesn't mean dishonest.
• Don't ghost later. Even if it wasn't a match, sending a "Hey, I didn't really feel a connection, but I wish you the best" text is rare and oddly appreciated.

How to Solve the "Do They Like Me?" Problem

Here's the kicker: You might never be totally sure on the first date.

But you can focus on what you can control:

• Tune into how you feel. Were you at ease? Did you laugh? Did time fly?
• Check their post-date behavior. Are they following up? Do they seem interested in seeing you again?
• Be brave enough to ask. Honestly, the biggest green flag is being able to say, "I had a really good time - did you?" and handling whatever they say next with grace.

You deserve someone who shows up, not someone you have to decode like a Taylor Swift Easter egg.

Final Thoughts: It's Not a Performance, It's a Connection

We get so caught up in "How should I act?" that we forget the real question is: "Can I be myself with this person?"

First dates aren't auditions. They're little experiments in emotional chemistry. Sometimes there's a spark. Sometimes there's only static. That's okay.

And yes, there might be awkward moments or a story involving spilled soup or a surprise gluten allergy confession halfway through your ravioli. But those are the moments that make dating real.

You're not trying to impress everyone. You're trying to find your people. Or maybe even just one person. So act like you. That's enough.